Lourdes Mary

This is for Gerard's grandma, Atta - who was called back to Jesus on 30th March 2014.

She was a stoic woman, everytime I saw her she would be smiling.

I remember meeting her for the first time. On Easter or New Years'; I can't exactly remember and I was clad in black - a colour all of Gerard's family members were forbidden to don on festive days. I remember being scared that I would upset them, with his sisters giving me warnings about what I might face when I stepped into the house.

When I arrived, most did comment that I shouldn't be in a dull colour but the one that I feared upsetting the most (Atta) didn't do anything but smile and say "Hello girl." I don't think she ever knew my name actually.

Subsequently, the other meetings with her I was more comfortable around G's HUGE family and I was able to chat with her. Atta was probably the nicest old person I've ever met. She was also the most chill, haha. I never saw her panic or being flustered during the festivities whilst everyone else was always bustling around me. She just sat in her rocking chair and watched TV - mind you, she watches football & wrestling.

Being Chinese, and in an interracial relationship, my family has never been too welcoming to Gerard in the beginning. They saw him in a prejudiced light because of his colour - dark. Chinese, as blunt as this is, are the shittiest people in Singapore. Quick to judge with a lot of unsolicited comments. I do reiterate again that this was in the beginning, they are now EDUCATED and love Gerard as their own :')

So being in this situation I thought maybe his extended family might not be happy too but how Atta readily accepted me into the family was excruciatingly heartwarming that I wanted to die because I don't deserve such kindness ever. His entire family was SO DAMN open-minded and cool and I love them to death because they made me feel at home, like I belonged.

Atta considered me as one of her grandchildren and I cannot be more grateful for that.

I know that we're supposed to celebrate her passing because she's no longer suffering and her life was nothing short of amazing, but it is difficult because I wanted her here for everything Gerard and I were going to embark on together. I wanted to grow closer with her, celebrate the rest of the festivities at her home with her, see her on her rocking chair, talk to her.

Now that she's gone, all that lives is her memory. And that is scary, will she cease to exist if I forgot her some day?

In the short span of time knowing her, I learned so much. How to freely love, how to focus on the present, how to never forget to tell your loved ones you love them.

All the stories of her will live on, and she's left behind a legacy.

To Atta, thank you for everything. You were an inspiration, and you will always be my grandma. I love you.